The Perverted Hands Birthday
by Anime Lover Motoko
Summary: Well have you ever wondered how the Perverted Hand came to be? How ALM is so fantastic and how she became so insane? Well here are all the answers including monobrows, cookies, and nasty birthday celebrations from the chracters of Inuyasha, FMA, and DNAng


This is a story that has nothing to do with anything that is actually real, we warn you that this is completely random and Nutella (you know the brown yummy stuff) with cream provoked. This also threatens to take your soul. Have a nice day.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

ALM & her younger sister IHK (I HATE KIKYO) wrote this. Be scared, very scared. We star in this story with what we would actually say in these situations. The perverted hand may be involved.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! AGAIN!!! That back button is lookin' fine…

Inuyasha: I feel like cookies.

Kinky Hoe I mean Kikyo: Good I shall get you some.

Kagome: BITCH!!!

Miroku: That was random.

Inuyasha: I feel like chocolate cookies.

(Kikyo has clay)

(Kagome has vanilla)

ALM & IHK: COME TO THE DARK SIDE!!! We have chocolate cookies!!

Inuyasha: COMING!!

Kikyo & Kagome: BITCHES!!!

Sango: That was random.

IHK: It worked!! All we have to do now is buy them. ALM can I spot a fiver?

ALM: I LOVE THIS GAME!!!

IHK: The people from D.N.Angel are here and Fullmetal Alchemist. What crazy shit? Oh well better enjoy it while it lasts.

ALM: MAJOR HUGHES!!! I WORSHIP THE GROUND YOU WALK ON MARRY ME!!!

IHK: Okay ALM you're scaring him. (Runs up to Alphonse and starts to poke him with a stick) Is it real??

Inuyasha: Where are my chocolate cookies?

ALM & IHK: SHUT-UP BOY!!

Kouga: I like them.

IHK: OH MY GOD!! (Runs up to Kouga and starts poking him with sharpened stick) Is he real?

ALM: I think its been proved they bleed…

IHK: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP BOTHERING KAGOME AND INUYASHA! THEY LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER! And you're way over confident! You don't just ask blah blah blah lecture about treating women right way yak yak yak blah blah blah SO THERE! AND KINKY HOE, I mean kikyo (as you can see, we don't kinky hoe kikyo) and Inuyasha, blah blah blah she's dead! WOAH! I just realized somthin'! Inuyasha loves 2 GIRLS! AHHHH! YOU ARE A 2 TIMING BASTARD! OH NO HOW COULD YOU!!!" (Fall over anime style)

Dark: Whoa, freaky.

Ed: Is she always like this?

ALM: IHK if you don't stop right now I'll take away your Manga. (Tash shuts up)

Roy: So what are we doing here anyway?

ALM: Well it is the perverted hands birthday and he has written about all of you. (Everyone blushes profusely looking at various different persons) We thought it would be nice if he could actually meet you.

Daisuke: So where is he now?

ALM: He's in hiding. some crazy, disturbed, evil sock puppet fan girls mobbed him and he's been in therapy since.

Krad: Poor guy, I know what that's like.

Al: Do you think I look good with a mono brow? (Al wiggles his mono brow)

Everyone: WHAT THE HOLY MOTHER OF GOD????

Winry: I think I'm gonna be sick.

Ed: Shouldt've eaten those burritos.

Winry: I didn't you ate mine.

Ed: Hehe (Blushes as he gets hit over the head with wrench)

Winry: (Throws up on Sesshoumaru)

Sesshoumaru: MY HAIR!! MY CLOTHES!!!

Inuyasha: BWAHAHAHAHA!

Sesshoumaru: Huh?! (Clothes magically clean)

ALM: I like Sesshoumaru I have a pink fluffy cat toy named after you.

IHK: She sleeps with it… (Then she pulls a pink fluffy cat toy from behind her back and starts waving it in the air)

IHK: EVERY BODY LOOK AT SESSHOUMARU THE CAT PILLOW!!

Inuyasha: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!(Collapses on ground in a laughing fit)!!!!!

Sango: Do you think I look good with a mono brow? (Waggles mono brow)

Miroku: YOU LOOK SO SEXY!! (Starts to make out with her in corner)

ALM: Confusing.

IHK: Weird.

Sesshoumaru: IM A CAT PILLOW!!! (Falls down in disgrace)

Inuyasha: I die now… (Chokes on chocolate cookie)

Winry: Aren't you supposed to be crying or something.

Kagome & Kikyo: Keh…

Al: What about my pancakes?

Everyone: huh?

Al: SO?! I HATE YOU ALL I COMMIT SUICIDE AND YOU SHALL ALL CRY AD BE ANGRY AND DIE TOO, SO YOU CAN JOIN ME IN THE AFTERLIFE OF PERPETUAL DARKNESS!!! (Stabs self with knife)

Daisuke: I didn't know you could kill a suit of armour with a knife.

Roy: Me neither.

Kagome: Is anyone actually going to do what he said?

Everyone: NO!!!

ALM: I was sort of put off by the perpetual darkness bit.

Roy: Me to.

IHK: Its always about you isn't it??

ALM: So I'm the greatest living person alive!!!! BOW DOWN BEFORE MY PINK DIAMONTE ENCRUSTED FAKE PLASTIC MICROPHONE!!!

Kagome: You know what I've always wanted one of those things.

Krad: Me to.

Everyone: OH MY GOD!!! KRAD IS GAY!!!!

Dark: HES NOT GAY!!!

ALM: And you know that how?

Dark: Well um…I…no…okay he's gay.

Satoshi: Oh no does that mean I'm gay to?

ALM&ALT: YES!!!!!!

IHK: and I thought ALM was weird. Well that's all folks!

ALM: JUST JOKING!!!

IHK: THE END!!!!

ALM: JUST JOKING!!!

IHK: no seriously, I thought it was.

IHK: THE PERVERTED HAND IS HERE!!!

Perverted Hand: Hey people.

Roy: Thanks for putting me with Riza!!!

Perverted Hand: I'm the only sane side of ALM.

ALM: SHUT UP!!!

Sango: What? I don't get it?? (wiggles monobrow)

Perverted Hand: I am a part of ALM's brain, the only sane part in there. Because of that fact I have created my own being and ALM has no hope.

IHK: whats with all the monobrows?

Kagome: Bob has a monobrow!

IHK: WTF? Who the hell is Bob?

Perverted Hand: Am I the only one here with style.

ALM: OH MY GOD!!!

IHK: I had a dream about this happening once.

Daisuke: OH MY GOD

Dark: Oh my lordy lord

Perverted Hand cacking himself laughing.

Kouga: Whats so funny?

ALM: PERVERTED HAND I'LL KILL YOU!!!

IHK: Perverted Hand because he is part of ALM's mind can make her do things that she wouldn't normally do which isn't much in the first place but he just made her draw a naked picture of Daisuke & Dark leaning on each other.

Krad: LEMME SEE!!!

Everybody: NOOO YOU PERVE!!!

Satoshi: What about…

Everybody: NO YOU PERVE!!!!

Shippo: Can I…

Everybody: NO YOU PERVE!!!!

Shippo: I WANT A FUCKING DRINK DAMN IT!!!

Everyone went quite. Shippo hadn't sworn before. Inuyasha cacked himself laughing.

ALM: No need to get pissy.

Al: Whats goin' on?

Ed: Didn't you die?

AL: Oh yeah. (Al disappears again)

IHK: Can't watch this, my my my my, TV makes me so bored, makes me oh my lord, what is this garbage here, wanna cover my eye's and block my ears it sucks, and that's no lie, it's about as much fun as watching paint dry, lowers my IQ one notch and that's why, uh, I can't watch

Roy: getting kicked in the crutch is really painful you know…

Riza: yes, you've had a lot of experience in that haven't you? (Roy covers up his man hood)

ALM: It's plug my ears time

IHK: Shut up. Talkin' about sick shows, Americas funniest home videos, I can't, believe my eye's when I see the kinda stuff that wins 1st prize, somebody's poor old mum falls from the roof right on to lawn, face first, on a rake, I hear they got it on the 17th take, that's funny as a kick in the crutch and that kinda show, uh, I can't watch. (IHK falls on the floor asleep)

Daisuke: that was weird.

ALM: shhhhhhhh!!! If we listen carefully we may be able to hear her sleep talking!

Everybody shuts up.

IHK: mumble mumble Kinky hoe is a bitch mumble mumble I better put that on my kinky hoe forum mumble mumble Kouga is hot mumble mumble

Kikyo: hey!

Kouga: YAY!

IHK: (still sleeping) mumble mumble that's right you bitch mumble mumble Kouga is my bishie mumble mumble

Kouga: is that a good thing?

Kagome: heh heh heh…I like your taste!

ALM: PERVERTED HAND!!!! I HATE YOU SO DAMN MUCH!!!

Perverted Hand: But I know you love me.

ALM: I know… (ALM sniffles)

ALT snores loudly in background

Fluffy: WHY AM I CALLED FLUFFY??? MY NAME IS SESSHOUMARU!!!

ALM: Sorry Sesshoumaru but I just cant be bothered writing down Sesshoumaru it takes to long…

IHK: And I can't type fast for nuts!!

ALM: You hate nuts.

IHK: Oh yeah… Okay pickled onions!!!

ALM throws up violently in corner.

Dark: Whats wrong with her?

IHK: She doesn't like pickled onions.

Ed: I like pickled onions!

Everybody: Ed you'll eat anything.

Ed: Haha yeah I know.

Roy: Remember that time we went to that restaurant and you ate the display plastic models of everything!

Al: Now that was funny!!

Ed: Shut up!! And aren't you supposed to be dead?

Al: Oh yeah… (Disappears in flash of blinding light)

Everybody: MY EYES!!!!!

Sango: I'm blind OMG I'm blind I'm blind I'm blind I'm..

Miroku: Sango snap out of it!!

Sango: Huh? BRAD PITT I LOVE YOU!!!! (Jumps Miroku and starts new make out session)

Fluffy: Well that went well.

ALM: I know aren't I great!

Everybody: NO

ALM: Okay okay I get the point…

Perverted Hand: So did anyone get me any presents?

Crickets begin to chirp rather loudly before being eaten by hungry Ed.

Perverted Hand: Okay I take that as a no.

IHK: You don't deserve any presents.

Perverted Hand: And why not?

IHK: Cause you haven't done a story of me.

Perverted Hand: Well I ignore that fact and go on, any other reasons why no one has gotten me a present?

Crickets begin to chirp from Ed's stomach.

ALM: I'm going to cry now.

Inuyasha: Why?

ALM: Dunno just cause I wanna.

Everybody: Okay (ALM cries in corner)

IHK: Well let's get ready to leave.

Kagome: Why?

IHK: Dunno just cause I wanna.

ALM: That means she wants Ramen.

Inuyasha: ME TO!!

IHK: NO

Inuyasha: YES!

IHK: NO

Inuyasha: YES

Inuyasha and IHK start to fight and draw blood furiously before collapsing into a comatose state from lack of blood.

Kagome: Anyone gonna help them?

Everybody: Nope

Kikyo: As long as we've got that cleared up lets get the party games started!!

Everybody: YEAH!!!!

Sorry to tell you but the party games have been deleted for their rather graphic nature and obvious silliness. This also may be due to the writers obvious lack of motivation to write anything graphic or silly so let the story begin after all games have been played…

Fluffy: And that's how I got my nipple pierced!

ALM: Wow I would like to own a truck.

Dark: Yeah and that must have been one hell of a line dancing lesson.

Kikyo: hic wow Kagome I never knew hic THAT about Inuya hic -sha hic.

Kagome: Yeah I know wasn't he cute!! (Giggles furiously while puffing on unknown substance)

Inuyasha & Miroku start to sing some old western songs on imaginary karaoke machine. Ed, Roy, Winry, Daisuke, Krad & Satoshi play cards betting for an old pocket watch and some piece of fluff that is claimed to be from China.

IHK: Okies now we HAVE to go

Everybody: WHY!!!

Perverted Hand: We have now successfully weirded out, or driven insane every single reader that has ever read this story.

Everybody: Okay…

Krad: Can I…

Everybody: NO YOU PERVE!!!!

NEXT TIME

ALM: THERE WILL BE NO NEXT TIME!!! MWA HA HOO HA HE HAHA

IHK: …

ALM: AND DON'T FORGET YOUR RABBIT!

IHK: what rabbit?

ALM: what rabbit?

IHK: You were talking about one.

ALM: No I wasn't are you okay?

IHK: I NEED MORE RAMEN!!!!!!!!!!

ALM: AND CATCH MY RABBIT!

IHK: oh lord…why can't you just kill me now?!?

ALM: BECAUSE YOU NEED TO CATCH MY RABBIT!

IHK: **WHEN I FIND THAT RABBIT I WILL PERSANOLLY RIP IT'S HEAD OF AND FEED IT TO ED AND BURN IT TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL!!!**

ALM: what rabbit?

IHK: AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGG! Well goodbye dear readers! And don't sue us! You decided to read it!

(IHK: Next episode will be minus D.N.Angel, and plus Naruto! Therefore, my name shall be changed to ILR which stands for, IloveRocklee and if you have something to say about it, YOU CAN STUFF IT UP YOUR ASS! Cos' Rocklee. Is. MINE!! So PISSOFF)


End file.
